Part 1: My miracle encounter with Jesus

​​At the age of 28, and before I was a Christian, I was absolutely obsessed with a relationship. My world revolved around this person from the age of 18 forward.

My self-esteem was based upon his desire for how I looked and how I served him. I tried very hard to meet his standards. He would praise me for being the “hottest” girl in the room. But at the same time, he was never faithful, and his praise wasn’t love.

My behaviors were based upon getting and keeping his attention. My internal voice was always active with anxiety and wondering what I could do better. I was a shell of a person, conforming to someone else's demands and manipulations.

He spun wild stories to cover his tracks. I always knew the truth, but talked myself out of it. It took me over a decade to wake up. My first change was to confront in order to change him. I started playing his game of manipulation. I thought if I caught him, that would change his behaviors.

In reflection, the poor way he treated me was so obvious. Everyone knew; and I’m sure they pitied me, but never said anything. And I acted clueless in their presence, and split off from reality, trying to keep my face happy and bright, excelling in my job.

I look back at that girl with pity and great sorrow.

I’m not her anymore.

Jesus saved me.

God is calling me to reach for my former self through others

… who wonder if God still heals and saves
... who are stuck in self-deception and self-defeat
… who are blinded by idols
… who live a double life and need forgiveness
… whose strategy is to manipulate others for love and acceptance
… who long to know what true love is
… but whose hope is in this world and what it offers

There are lots of lies we believe. In retrospect, I had no idea how perverted and twisted my soul was. If you stay open to my story, praying that you’ll be open that you also believe many lies, you too have twisted perceptions.

Consider… you have no idea the depth in which you are defeated by the dubiousness of your own soul.

There is no quick resolution.

Even after believing in Jesus, I was susceptible to my own twisted lies, and the false idol I worshipped.

But there is immediate rescue within if you believe.

The way Jesus snatched me suddenly from darkness, was in a period of great grief. The false idol I was with abandoned me at a Raiders game in Oakland. If you know Oakland, it is not a safe place to abandon a woman. I was over an hour from “home”.

I snapped. The feeling of abandonment in a scary place slapped me into reality.

I found my way back to our place, and got a Sunday newspaper for rental ads.

I grabbed my kitty and left the next day, immediately renting a garage converted into a studio. It was a desperate move. There was a side entrance. But the main garage door was not converted or sealed, so if you grabbed the front latch of the garage, there I would be; sitting on my sofa sleeper. But at least I was out, at least for a little while.

I spiraled into depression.

I was falling apart, and Jesus swept in for rescue.

He captured my attention through the NFL great Reggie White who was speaking on a tv channel. I loved football; and wanted to see what he was saying. Turns out, he was preaching at a local church. I made sure to write down the name of the church. I’d never gone to church except a few times to Catholic services. Those prior church experiences were very confusing and intimidating to me. I didn’t like them.

But what Reggie said spoke to me and the church he was at was very different. It seemed interesting. And though it took me about 6 weeks to go, I responded to Christ’s subtle pursuit and went to Jubilee Christian Center.

It was awesome. The worship was amazing and the messages were relevant to my life.

After a few months of attending church, one Sunday, a traveling evangelist showed up. He asked people to come back that night. Completely blind to what it would be, I went back that night.

Turns out he was an evangelist who believed in miracles. I panicked when I heard he would be doing “healings”; and wanted to leave immediately. I was sure they were all crazy, thinking all of my recent church experience was based upon deception and lies. But I was seated in the front row because I showed up late; and there weren’t other seats. I felt if I got up and left, they would notice, and I’d be stopped, “Stop in the Name of the Lord!” kind of moment. I was horrified of this as a possibility, so I stayed.

And then the inner critic came out. I was sure I could discover the people being healed were plants in the audience. But these are faces of people I had seen over the several months of attending.

I felt great conflict that they could be in on it. They were giving great testimony of healings.

So I kept returning. I attended 5 straight nights.

Upon leaving night 5, with some skepticism, but also with great hope, I prayed for the first time. “God I believe in you, and I believe in Jesus, but what is this healing thing? Is it real? Do you still heal? Give me a dream.”

He gave me a dream.

In the dream, I was in my Saturn driving on the 280 freeway going North. Suddenly I was passing major accidents with people screaming, laid out on the freeway, many ambulances and firetrucks blaring their sirens. It was terrifying; and my heart was leaping out of my chest.

Then a figure appeared. He was clear as light, his outline like a glass figure, but alive. He positioned behind my seat. He put his hand on my shoulder and suddenly a big, beautiful yellow butterfly flew in front of my windshield.

My breath caught, and I spoke to the figure, “Look a butterfly!” And then I woke up.

The dream made no sense to me; so I dismissed it, got up and on with my day.

It was a Friday. It was also the 6th and final night of the “healing” services.

It’s on Day 6 that God breathed life into Adam, Genesis 1:26-27 & Genesis 2:7.

I had gotten bolder by that final night; and sat in the middle, closer to the stage. Typically, the evangelist gave a sermon before the healing service began. But since it was his last night, he wanted to use the entire time for healing and miracles.

While he was calling people to the platform for healing prayer, my eyes wandered. In one magical moment, my eyes crossed paths with a working stage light with a flat face. There was no opening to the light. But suddenly, out of that light came the butterfly from my dream! I gasped in utter shock watching it fly to the stage. Tim Storey (the evangelist) said, “Oh look! The Holy Spirit in the form of a butterfly!”

At that moment, the presence of God fell upon me, and I heard God’s voice in my heart and mind, “Yes Gina, I still heal; and I will heal you.”

I broke upon the filling of the Holy Spirit, flooded with His love and comforted by His whispers. The pressure from enduring abuse and manipulation broke like a dam and could not be held back. I desperately wanted to hold back aware I was in the middle of a large crowd, but I could not stop crying. It lasted to the end of the service.

I was saved, filled with the Spirit of God!

Some may think that miracles, signs, and wonders are everything.

They are not.

As I said earlier, because of my brokenness and twisted perceptions, there was no immediate resolution of my broken ways. And so, I went forward quickly corrupting the purity of that miraculous holy moment.

I was saved; yes, but my old nature was in charge. And I was still desperate for the human dream of marriage and family. So, I thought that I could insist that God would do for the man I obsessed about, what He did for me. Miraculously intervene.

I was very wrong. I could not force God’s hand, nor someone else’s will.

About 6 months after my conversion, the man of my obsessions got fired. He lost millions in stock. His dreams and life dramatically and quickly crumbled. More on that in a second.

Meanwhile, God was blessing my life. I was promoted and excelling in my career. I had great joy. Related to church, I joined the choir and offered to help in children’s ministry. The highlight of my week was church.

But my heart was still tethered to the false idol. And as I worried about him becoming homeless; after all, he lost everything! So, I of course let him move in.

God was giving me scriptures of warning and whispering. “No.” “He is not for you.” “Stop.”

I closed my ears.

One weekend, while we were living in the garage, he said he had a weekend construction project to help a friend expand a room in his church. But really, it was a front to spend his time with another woman. I guess he was in the church briefly, but only for the LORD to call his bluff. He ended up with a rusty nail through his foot, and a painful end in the hospital. Eventually I found out about the woman, and confronted her.

I insisted we go to counseling. He went once.

And I went back.

Signs and wonders and miracles are not your answer. Getting to know Jesus is.

End of Part 1.

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